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Hospitality is the gift of welcome


The Essence of Hospitality

What is the essence, or fundamental nature, of hospitality? What do you think the intrinsic value of hospitality is? What is it to you? I’ve found myself thinking about it a great deal lately. My husband and I have no close friends or family in Idaho, so why put forth the effort? It sure is a lot easier to pop in a DVD on Saturday evening, and crash, than it is to have guests in for the evening.

For me, it’s because of the essential value of hospitality to my husband and I. We extend a welcoming hand to others into our home because it meets our need to be involved with people in a friendly, casual, loving way. Hospitality is the best way we have found to make new friends and deepen existing relationships. We have to spend time with people in order to get to know them, or, if we already do know them, to get to know them better. In the case of family and close friends, we must spend time together in order to keep the relationships strong. An imperative for me is stated in the meaning of hospitality, which is, “the act, practice or quality of being hospitable; friendly and generous entertainment of guests”.

My husband and I are Christians, and because of our choice to follow Christ, we believe we have some responsibility to be welcoming, generous and friendly with people. We think this is especially true now because even our churches are filled with lonely, and alone people, who are in need of feeling welcomed and cared for. There are so many disconnected people, what could be easier than inviting a few of them into our home and sharing a meal with them? You never know, you just might be instrumental in helping to heal a wounded heart.

One of my goals, for our home, is that it be a place where people feel welcomed, loved and cared for. Our homes should be a sanctuary from the loud cries of the world and all the craziness of life. I think they should be a place of peace, and maybe even restoration. When I think back over the years I am reminded of the times when our home was this kind of a place for teenagers. My husband and I were mentoring them, but we were involved in hospitality as much as mentoring. They would come for a meal, a word of encouragement, or bible study. Our home was a haven from the difficulties of being a teenager for just a short while.

Hospitality can take form in many ways. We opened our home to our builder and some of his clients so that the clients could get some ideas, and encouragement, for their prospective new home. We just never know how we might be an encouragement to someone else. In the case of these clients, the woman has serious health problems and really needs to move out of her present home, but this has been her home for years and it’s where she raised her children. This is a very difficult time for her. Her family was so thankful for the opportunity to give her a concrete example of how much better the change in homes would be for her.

These examples share some of what I believe is the essence of hospitality. It is nothing more than opening our front door to other people and welcoming them into our lives for a short time. With the holidays approaching this could be a wonderful time to be thinking about the possibilities that might be coming your way to open your home to others. It isn’t always easy or convenient, but I believe it is always worth the effort to reach out side of us in order to be welcoming to others.

Hospitality Can Lead to Great Friendships
Are you a good friend? Do you know how to use hospitality to develop wonderful friendships? Hospitality can really stretch us, but it is so worth the investment of time for furthering our relationships or making new friends.

I do not think that most people are shocked when they hear that friendships are hard to come by in our world today. The loneliness, and aloneness, in our society is very evident all around us. My goodness, even in marriage, the friendship is often the first ideal to be lost. What has happened to us to cause such destitution of feelings? I see the loss of, or not fighting hard enough to retain and protect some very simple principals, to be at least in part, the cause for so much loneliness. Here are five key ways to become a more hospitable person, and genuine friend.

1. When meeting someone, whether a new or longtime acquaintance, do you pay him or her value by looking them in the eye, smiling and saying “hi” warmly? One of the first steps in friendship is focusing on other people and taking our eyes off of ourselves.

2. When visiting with someone, do you talk, talk, talk, or do you ask questions of them? When we ask questions we convey an attitude of interest in getting to know another person. If we are doing all the talking we convey an attitude of self-absorption and being self-centered.

3. If you have been conversing with someone, and now they are talking, are you still engaged with them, or have you disengaged, and now you are looking around the room and thinking about something else? In doing this, you have just let the other person know that they have no value to you. Nothing causes me to want to end a conversation more quickly!

Recently, my husband and I were having a conversation with a gentleman after church. We asked questions concerning a job situation in his life that has caused him, and his family, great stress. After we had quietly, and respectfully listened, my husband shared concerning his job situation, which is equally stressful. The gentleman’s whole demeanor, and his body language, physically changed. It was so obvious as to be rude. He conveyed a very clear message that he was not interested in a word my husband was saying. If you do this, you will never have close, intimate friendships. Our body language either lets people know we are present with them and that they matter to us, or that we have vacated the premises.

4. Do you make a phone call, send a note, or extend an invitation to other people? Every
person walking the earth wants to feel valued and wants to know that they matter to
someone. When we invest time into someone’s life we are telling him or her in very
concrete ways that they matter to us. Hospitality, inviting a new friend into our home, tells
him or her that we desire to get to know them better.

5. Do you treat others with respect? If you do not, you will not do well in relationships whether it is friendship, marriage, in parenting or in business. Treating people, any person, with respect is the basis of a good relationship.

These are just some beginning ideas to evaluate in your own life concerning your behavior with people. Friendships are so important to our well-being, our family life, and ultimately to our success in life that it is really worth our time and effort to think about how we treat others. If we find weaknesses in ourselves, as we all will, we can make the decision to change the behavior. We will be rewarded for the effort in our relationships.

Hospitality: Make It Easy On Yourself


When I was a young bride I agreed to become a part of a gourmet dinner group with another couple from our church. I had no experience with anything like this; the woman of the other couple did, and she was also probably ten to fifteen years my senior. She “allowed” me to go first; it was a set-up. I had to do a main dish that I had never before prepared and she would bring dessert.

Dinner was set for 6:00 P.M. a few weeks down the road. Our guests walked in with an ice sculpture she had made, and then decorated with fresh strawberries; I knew I was way out of my league now. I made a wonderful chicken dish that was wrapped in filo pastry and topped with an elegant mushroom sauce. The problem was, it took me until 9:00 that night to finish preparing it! It was well worth the wait; but a wait until 9:00 P.M.? I don’t think so. I was an absolute wreck, and so embarrassed and tired. I’ll tell you what happened when we went to their home for dinner another time. Suffice it to say; I learned a bunch through this experience.

I have found in talking with other women over the years that most fear having others in their homes for a meal, or, they wonder where they would ever get the time to prepare for guests in light of their busy schedules. This is the place where I have come from, and I have gone through many difficult experiences in getting to a place of feeling some sense of accomplishment in this area. Here are a few tips I’ve learned over the years as I have stepped out of my comfort zone and welcomed others into our home.

1.) People love to be invited. When we invite friends into our home we are paying them value and we are letting them know that they matter to us.

2.) Our guests could care less whether or not the house is dusted and vacuumed. Their focus is on the fact that we cared enough to invite them over to our home.

3.) I have found that people are extremely easy to please when it comes to the food being served. I make sure to ask about likes and dislikes, food allergies, and drink preferences so that our guests are not offended or embarrassed.

4.) I make sure our guests know whether or not children are to be included; never assume that they know.

5.) Keep the food simple, and do as much of the preparation in advance as possible. This will take pressure off of you and allow you more freedom to be with your guests.

6.) Unless you are very comfortable with your guests, do not prepare a dish you have never made or tasted before. It is just not worth the risk, especially if you are already feeling a little uncomfortable or stressed.

7.) Put pets in another room or outside. Not all people are animal lovers and want a cat or dog curled up in their lap.

8.) Relax. Your guests have come into your home to spend time with you, and not to evaluate your abilities as a hostess. I have found that this did not apply only a very few times, and those folks were never invited back.

9.) If you are not relaxed, and get into a pinch with your time at the last minute, ask for some help. My guests have always offered long before there was a problem and I am quite sure yours will too.

10. If need be buying some food that is already prepared at the deli, bakery or market will help with time shortages.

Finally, one of my favorite ways to invite friends over is by having a potluck. This is especially good for those who are just starting out in the hospitality arena and might feel very uncertain of themselves. I decide on the menu and ask each couple to bring an assigned part. Women love this idea for a meal; at least my friends have, because we are all so busy. This way we can get together with friends, or family, and the load is shared, rather than not extending an invitation at all because of fear or lack of time. I wish you rich blessings as you open your home to others…

Suzanne

From The Wedding, To…What?


With the huge, lavish, and expensive weddings that are so common today, why aren’t more couples staying together longer than a few years? These parties take a year or longer to plan and prepare, and probably even longer to pay for, so one would think there would be a real commitment involved with the process. Could it be the expectation level of those involved? The brides of yester-year were so thankful to have a dress made by mom, and a cake made by a neighbor, and a party in a nearby church social hall or yard. These marriages are often the ones that have lasted forty, fifty, sixty years, or more. “Til death do us part”, if you will.

And the bachelor parties…my goodness one would not even consider going to a pizza parlor for pizza, beer and a game of pool. Oh no, don’t speak of such a ridiculous thing. Now the guys plan weekends away to Las Vegas, Hawaii or Lake Tahoe where the drinking and partying is the order-of-the-day.

There was a time when a bride and groom were so thankful to receive the gifts given to them for their new home. Gifts that loved ones and family friends took time to pick out, with special care for the special couple, had real value attached to them. Now the guests go to different stores and view a laundry list, much like a Christmas “wish list” for Santa, all on a computer screen. There is everything on these lists from a vegetable peeler to a vacuum cleaner. As it was said to my husband, “why would we want to get stuff we don’t want?” We were appalled by the attitude coming from this heart.

I was so thrilled with the handmade things from my grandma, and the various ladies from my church, when I was a bride. Things made in love for me that will always be treasured. One great-aunt had a very special teapot-for-one that she wanted me to have. This piece has a special place in my heart, as well as my china cabinet. I wonder how many brides would find value in these sorts of gifts now.

And, in this day and age, one would be wise not to be checking the mailbox for a note-of-thanks; you most likely will not find one. Brides are now being told it is not necessary. It is no longer important to send a note-of-thanks to guests who went out of their way to come to your party with a gift in hand? A gift that might have cost the guests several hundred dollars does not warrant a thank you note? Please! How ridiculously selfish and self-centered! I can still remember when I was a new bride, and one of my mom’s cousins had not received her thank you note in a timely enough manner for her, and I heard about it.

What on earth has happened to the wedding centered on the deeply held spiritual convictions of the couple rather than on the party to come after the “I do”? What about the sense of reverence for the commitment being made before God and “this company” being the focal point, rather than being the part that receives the least attention? It seems more about the location of the event, than the location of the couple’s hearts before God, if they are even thinking the silly thought that there is a “someone” more important than they are in this world.

I know that the main reason these changes I’ve watched over the last several years trouble me so much, is because of the children that will probably come within a few years of the wedding day. Will this couple have the character, commitment and foundation to stay together, unselfishly, for this child or children, when life is just flat out tough and no fun?

I’ve observed many forms of selfishness over the years, and I’ve seen the results in children’s lives because the adults wanted to “do their own thing”. For some reason adults figure that kids don’t know what’s going on, or won’t be affected. Kids always know when something is wrong, and they are affected.

Without a firm foundation, based on God and his absolutes, and the awareness that we are not the center of our universe, it is much too easy to walk away from commitment and leave a disaster in our wake. A disaster that results in heartache, for others and for years to come, and long after the final strains of the Father-Daughter Dance have faded from memory.